Thursday, January 31, 2013

Case Study No. 0762: Nora, the "Victorian Librarian"

The victorian librarian
Videos from the "North American Idioms: Customs and Culture" series. This is how people are learning english?
Tags: north american idioms customs and culture bad acting
Added: 6 years ago
From: chrisdkk
Views: 1,430

[scene opens with a young female librarian (red hair in a bun, puffy white blouse, plaid skirt) taking books off a cart and reshelving them, when a male letter carrier walks up to her]
[she doesn't even look at him, and adopts a very annoyed tone to her voice]
NORA: What're you doing here? Aren't you supposed to be working?
STEVE: You don't have to bite my head off. I am working, the library is on my mail route. I saw you when I was dropping off the mail, I wanted to say hi.
NORA: [coldly] Hello ...
STEVE: Listen, about the other night ... I didn't mean to upset you. I can explain what happened.
NORA: Don't bother, I don't wanna talk about it.
STEVE: We can't just stop talking to each other. Don't you wanna hear my side of the story? I want to clear the air.
NORA: You were out of line, there's nothing else to say.
STEVE: [pause] You're so stubborn! You won't give an inch, will you?
[she looks around nervously]
NORA: I think you should go, you're starting to make a scene ...
[he looks around, then leans in and lowers his voice]
STEVE: Give me a break, so we had an argument. If you're not prepared to listen, then we don't stand a chance as a couple ...
NORA: [pause] Oh, alright. We can talk about it, but not now. Um, why don't you come back at two? That's when I take my break. You can talk then, I'll be all ears.
STEVE: Thanks. I'll see you then.
[he picks up his mailbag and exits, as she watches him leave and smiles]



"North American Idioms" CD is an independent, interactive multi - media resource for English language learners who like to participate in natural colloquial North American English and who are interested in North American customs and culture.

Intermediate level English language learners will be able to practice using idioms in common real-life situations to imrove their understanding of specific idioms in various contexts.



Steve and Nora in a swimming pool. This is how people are learning english?

Steve: This was a great idea. I'm so out of shape! I didn't realize a person could get so sore, just from carrying some mail around.
Nora: It's only been a week, you'll get used to it.
Steve: Will I? Oh, I'm so stiff, I can hardly move!
Nora: Stop complaining! Just take it easy for the next day or two. You'll feel better in no time.
Steve: I hope so, because aside from my sore bones it's a good job! I'm outside, I can get a tan while I work, I finish by noon.
Nora: Don't rub it in! I work 9 to 5, remember? I'm inside all day, doing the same thing everyday ... I heard a doctor on the radio say that doing the same thing day in day out is very stressful.

Case Study No. 0761: Unnamed Female Librarian (High School Library)

High School Library Walkthrough
High School Library Walkthrough Complete Solution
Tags: High School Library Solution Walkthrough escape room game cheat tips help guide point click new
Added: 4 years ago
From: playonlineflashgame
Views: 103,774


"High School Library"
New Escape Games

STORY: Shhh! You can't speak and you can't whisper. But go ahead and laugh all the way to the High School Library!

INSTRUCTIONS: Click on objects around the library to make events happen. Some events can be triggered by clicking on two or more different objects. Make sure you capture the Librarian's embarrassing moments using your camera. Left click the mouse at the right time to snap.

Librarian's wardrobe: Pink dress, glasses, hair in a bun
Click student in the library to knock off his headphones and cause music to play. Librarian will get up from desk to yell at him about the noise, then loosen screws off her chair so that she falls when trying to sit back down.

Librarian's wardrobe: White blouse, black skirt, glasses, hair in a bun (pink bra if successful)
Click telephone to make it ring. When the Librarian goes to answer, take the insect and place it in the overhead ceiling fan. When she sits back down, turn on the fan and the insect will fall on her blouse. Take a picture of the Librarian in her bra when she rips off her shirt.

Librarian's wardrobe: Striped sweater, purple skirt, glasses, hair in a bun (red panties if successful)
Click on the janitor outside the library. When the Librarian goes to complain about the noise he's making, turn on the table fan and then take the clock off her desk and put it on the top shelf. When she returns, the Librarian will climb the ladder to turn off the alarm clock, and the breeze will blow her skirt up so you can take a shot of her panties.

Librarian's wardrobe: Yellow dress, glasses, hair in a bun
Click the noisy teenage girls standing outside the library. When the Librarian goes to yell at them to be quiet, take the bottles of red and black ink off of her desk. Next, take the bottle of glue and place all three on the shelf above the window (next to the rat), and pop the caps off of each bottle. When the Librarian sits back down, click the "Things To Do Today" list on her desk ("Principle work, Teachers' meeting, Office file, Office work"). Click on "Office file", and the Librarian will go to the shelf near the window and start reshelving books. A little girl will then approach the Librarian; when this happens, click the rat and it will knock over the contents of all three bottles onto the Librarian (messing up her clothes and freaking out the little girl).

Librarian's wardrobe: Green shoulderless blouse, dark green skirt, glasses, hair in a bun (white panties if successful)
Take the pen cap on your desk and throw it at the window. As the Librarian's attention is occupied with the broken glass, knock the bottle of White-Out off of her desk. Then, position the book truck next to the puddle of White-Out. When the Librarian tries to walk back to her desk, she will slip in the puddle and try to steady herself by grabbing the book truck, giving you a chance to take another upskirt shot.

Librarian's wardrobe: White dress, glasses, hair in a bun (blue bra and panties if successful)
Activate the security alarm above the door. When the Librarian gets out of her chair, grab the box near the window. When she sits back down, throw the box at the fire alarm. When the alarm sounds, the Librarian will try to exit the door, walking right underneath the sprinkler and having her white shirt soaked.

Librarian's wardrobe: Purple dress with yellow polka dots, glasses, hair in a bun (no glasses and long red hair if successful)
Knock one of the keys off the wall opposite the Librarian's desk. When she gets up to put it back, open the desk drawer. Click on the magnifying glass and focus on the picture of the swarthy-looking man inside the drawer. Click on the portable radio sitting on the top shelf, and click the "Elvis Presley" song on the playlist. This will cause the Librarian to let her hair out of its bun and start dancing; while she's distracted, click the note on the bulletin board behind her desk (which features a picture of the same guy and the phone number "12578990033521"). Click the phone on the Librarian's desk, then take the banana peel out of the trashcan. Turn the radio up to maximum volume, then place the banana peel on the floor. When the man arrives through the door, the Librarian will slip on the banana peel and fall right into his arms for a kiss!

Case Study No. 0760: Sara K.

Sara On Working at The Library
Sara waxes poetic about working at the UC Berkeley Library
Tags: library sara uc berkeley books ism
Added: 4 years ago
From: kendalldoesit
Views: 345

www dot kendalldoesit dot com presents

[scene opens with a young female librarian speaking directly to the camera]
SARA K: I, uh, work at the circulation desk at the UC Berkeley Library ...
[cut to another shot of Sara speaking directly to the camera]
SARA K: Scanning barcodes, telling people they can't go through or can go through.
[cut to another shot of Sara speaking directly to the camera]
SARA K: I can be a profiler, but not in, like, a criminal Holly Hunter way.
[cut to another shot of Sara speaking directly to the camera]
SARA K: I'm starting to get really inappropriate, running my mouth a bit.
[cut to another shot of Sara speaking directly to the camera]
SARA K: I just finished "The History of Motown," and before that was a history of the song "Louie Louie," and then I'm gonna look for a James Brown biography next week.
[cut to another shot of Sara speaking directly to the camera]
SARA K: People always ask me what I'm reading, and I don't wanna talk about what I'm reading, y'know what I mean? I don't wanna get judged on it ...
[cut to another shot of Sara speaking directly to the camera]
SARA K: "Bactine"?
[cut to another shot of Sara speaking directly to the camera]
SARA K: "Post-Colonial Gender Studies in the Caribbean"?
[cut to another shot of Sara speaking directly to the camera]
SARA K: "Post-Feminist Queer Theory" ... "Art in Public Life in Eighteenth Century France"?
[cut to another shot of Sara speaking directly to the camera]
SARA K: "Queer Latinidad", "Queer Latinidad", "Queer Latinidad"!
[cut to another shot of Sara speaking directly to the camera]
SARA K: "The Sexuality of Gender" ...
[cut to another shot of Sara speaking directly to the camera]
SARA K: Is that, like, thirty books?
[cut to another shot of Sara speaking directly to the camera]
SARA K: People will do scholarship on anything, really ...
[cut to another shot of Sara speaking directly to the camera]
SARA K: "The Jewish Body"?
[cut to another shot of Sara speaking directly to the camera]
SARA K: There's a whole article on Jewish feet, like a scholarly article about flat feet!
[cut to another shot of Sara speaking directly to the camera]
SARA K: A guy I know is writing a doctoral thesis about "N"s in Germany. Or maybe it was "R"s?
[cut to another shot of Sara speaking directly to the camera]
SARA K: "Intense Linguistic Studies!"
[cut to another shot of Sara speaking directly to the camera]
SARA K: And I've only heard about this through hearsay, actually, because my friend used to work at interlibrary loan ... It's this big book called "The Fall of Jerusalem."
[cut to another shot of Sara speaking directly to the camera]
SARA K: If you were to stage a play regarding the fall of Jerusalem, how one would stage it with accuracy.
[cut to another shot of Sara speaking directly to the camera]
SARA K: How you would set up the stage ...
[cut to another shot of Sara speaking directly to the camera]
SARA K: In Pristinium, add the smell of ... like, ten goats and their blood.
[cut to another shot of Sara speaking directly to the camera]
SARA K: The scent of virgin sex!
[cut to another shot of Sara speaking directly to the camera]
SARA K: A military scholarship is the most profitable ...
[cut to another shot of Sara speaking directly to the camera]
SARA K: People are gonna wanna read about, if you fought the Civil War with AK-47s ...
[cut to another shot of Sara speaking directly to the camera]
SARA K: "The Joy of Cooking"!
[cut to another shot of Sara speaking directly to the camera]
SARA K: I'm not gonna make sweetbread, I don't wanna make trype. But if I wanted to, or skin a rabbit or something, it would let me know how to do that ...
[cut to another shot of Sara speaking directly to the camera]
SARA K: "How to Cook Everything" by the Barefoot Contessa!
[cut to another shot of Sara speaking directly to the camera]
SARA K: Oh, I got screamed at to my face because of Virginia Woolf's "Orlando" the other day! This guy comes in and he wants this book ...
[cut to another shot of Sara speaking directly to the camera]
SARA K: We have ten million volumes, and I'm sorry if you can't find it, we'll put a search on it.
[cut to another shot of Sara speaking directly to the camera]
SARA K: He yells at me, and just starts screaming!
[cut to another shot of Sara speaking directly to the camera]
SARA K: I get screamed at to my face!
[cut to another shot of Sara speaking directly to the camera]
SARA K: You can buy "Orlando" at the bookstore!
[cut to another shot of Sara speaking directly to the camera]
SARA K: Honestly though ... If, like, the most that I can complain about my job is that someone wants some arbitrary random "ism" book, then I can't really complain, huh?
[cut to another shot of Sara speaking directly to the camera]
SARA K: My life is so boring, and I kinda like it that way right now ...
[cut to another shot of Sara speaking directly to the camera]
SARA K: Let the crazy train happen!



I just discovered Kendall Does It, and it is great. While perusing the archives, imagine my surprise to find an interview with my pal and Cal library superstar Sara K.

Wednesday, January 30, 2013

Case Study No. 0759: Unnamed Female Librarian (Creepy Guy)

Creepy Guy - The Librarian
As Creepy Guy searches for public funded erotica, he fancies his chances with a more...well read bird.
Tags: Creepy Guy Door to funny sex comedy cartoon teens dirty crappy The Librarian charlie the unicorn anal big boobies rubber duck random video animation art
Added: 2 years ago
From: burnyhotmedia
Views: 180

[scene opens inside of a public library, as Creepy Guy (a stick figure with the "Trollface" drawing for a head) strolls in and approaches the female librarian at the front desk]
CREEPY GUY: Helloooo laaaaadies! Can I check out some ... "filthy" books?!
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: [calmly] Uh, yes, if you want. What ones do you want to check out the library?
CREEPY GUY: "Douglas Adams Is Gay To Cock!"
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: [calmly] Sorry sir, we don't have that.
CREEPY GUY: [pause] Can I check out your tits, then?
FEMALE LIBRARIAN: [calmly] Sir, get out.
CREEPY GUY: Ugh, dammit ...
[he turns and starts singing]
CREEPY GUY: Brothel!
[he exits the library, and the scene fades to black]



"Ooft, that's Burny Hot!"

Small Scottish animation 'studio'.

Creepy Guy
Terry and Patricia



Trollface is a black and white drawing of a face with a large mischievous grin that is meant to portray the expression someone makes while trolling. Posting a Trollface image into a forum thread is often used to claim that someone was being fooled or intentionally angered. The face commonly appears in rage comics indicating that the character is being mischievous in some way.

A MSPaint comic made by deviantArt user Whynne about the pointless nature of trolling on 4Chan's /v/, was uploaded on September 19th, 2008.

In his deviantART post, Whynne claims he was attempting to draw a comic character known as "Rape Rodent."

Case Study No. 0758: Martino Papucci

N io e Napoleone - Trailer
1814. Napoleone condannato all'esilio sull'Isola d'Elba viene accolto dalla popolazione locale con grandi festeggiamenti. Tutti lo acclamano tranne uno: Martino Papucci, maestrino idealista e libertario figlio di una famiglia di commercianti di Portoferraio. Per vendicare gli ideali rivoluzionari traditi e i tanti giovani mandati al massacro sui campi di battaglia di tutta Europa, Martino sogna tutte le notti di ucciderlo, cosi quando gli viene offerto di diventare scrivano e bibliotecario dell'ex Imperatore accetta senza esitazione, meditando di ucciderlo. Ma l'impresa si rivela più complicata del previsto quando apprende che l'uomo tanto odiato è solo un essere che soffre, a metà tra il patetico e il genio.
Tags: Paolo Virzi Trailer Napoleone Monica Bellucci Daniel Auteuil Elba
Added: 3 years ago
From: motorinoamaranto
Views: 26,048


"N (Io e Napoleone)"

Elba island, 1814. Martino is a young teacher, idealist and strongly anti Napoleon, in love with the beautiful and noble Baroness Emily. The young man finds himself serving as librarian to the Great Emperor in exile, whom he deeply hates, yet soon begins recording Napoleon's memoirs, getting to know and learning to value the man behind the myth. Among seductions and affairs, expectations and fears, he will craft a precise portrait that nevertheless will not manage to hide a final, inevitable, disappointment.

Daniel Auteuil ... Napoleone Bonaparte
Elio Germano ... Martino Papucci
Monica Bellucci ... Baronessa Emilia Speziali



NAPOLEON AND ME (IO E NAPOLEONE), 2007, Cattleya, 110 min. Dir. Paolo Virzi.

In 1814 Napoleon (Daniel Auteuil) arrives at the island of Elba, where he has been sent into exile and welcomed enthusiastically by the common people. But there is one person who is not celebrating: the young Martino Papucci (Elio Germano), an idealist and libertarian teacher.

Martino hates the former Emperor, so when he is offered the opportunity of becoming the librarian of the new King of Elba, the young man accepts with the secret intent of at last committing the murder.



N marks the second collaboration between the renowned Tuscan Director Paolo Virzì (Ovosodo, Ferie d'agosto, Baci e abbracci) and Director of Photography Alessandro Pesci, AIC (La seconda volta, Baci e abbracci, La lingua del Santo). The ambitious Italian, French and Spanish co-production is set in 1814 during Napoleon Bonaparte's exile on the island of Elba.

The film explores the relationship between Napoleon (played by Daniel Auteuil) and Martino Papucci (Elio Germano), a young teacher who finds himself serving as librarian to the great Emperor. An idealist, Martino is in love with the beautiful baroness Emily (Monica Bellucci).

He has always felt a deep hatred for Napoleon, but as he spends time recording the Emperor's memoirs, he begins to develop an understanding of the fascinating man behind the myth.



GUARD 1: Please, this is the new librarian, Martino Papucci.
GUARD 2: Search him.
GUARD 1: That's not necessary. He's only the librarian. Go in. Please.
MARTINO PAPUCCI: I'm only the librarian.
GUARD 1: True.

Case Study No. 0757: Ellie Barnes

Paula Stewart on The Joey Bishop Show TV Classic
Paula Stewart, with Jack Carter in the Joey Bishop Show.

Paula and Jack are assisting Joey in his proposal of marriage to Joey's girlfriend Ellie the Librarian.
Tags: Paula Stewart Jack Carter The Joey Bishop Show Variety TV Classic
Added: 3 months ago
From: VictoriaWarrior
Views: 2,896

[scene opens with a flashback, as the Carters are sitting in a restaurant waiting for Joey and his future wife Ellie (played by Abby Dalton)]
WAITER: Hiya, Jack. Hello, Misses Carter.
WAITER: You folks ready to order yet?
PAULA CARTER: No, we're waiting for another couple.
JACK CARTER: Yeah, Prince Rainier and Grace.
WAITER: You so funny, how come I never saw you on the Tonight Show?
[the waiter leaves]
PAULA CARTER: Gee, I wonder why they're so late?
JACK CARTER: Oh, Joey probably had a meeting with one of his writers.
PAULA CARTER: You mean he's not picking up Ellie?
JACK CARTER: Are you kidding? Since when does Joey go around picking up girls?
PAULA CARTER: [condescendingly] Ha ha ha ha ...
JACK CARTER: He told her he's gonna meet her here later ... Hey, y'know something? I think he's really stuck on her.
PAULA CARTER: Well, he's got pretty peculiar ways of showing it. The other night he took her to the Copa, and when Tony Bennett got him up to take a bow, he ended up doing forty minutes and left her there sitting alone! Now what kind of a romance is that, I ask?
JACK CARTER: Oh, come on baby! You know how it is with us ... I get up somewhere to take a bow, and before you know it, I kill an hour pleasantly, y'know.
[he laughs]
JACK CARTER: And if there's applause, I might even do a little more ...
PAULA CARTER: A little more even if there's no applause.
JACK CARTER: There's always applause ... I may start it, but there's always applause!
PAULA CARTER: Well, you remember the night we went to dinner and he spent the whole evening signing autographs.
JACK CARTER: Well, what're you gonna do, honey? If fans ask for autographs, you gotta sign!
PAULA CARTER: Yeah well, according to Ellie, Joey asked them!
JACK CARTER: Oh ... that's Joey!
PAULA CARTER: Yeah. Well, of course, I can go along with a gag like that. I'm in show business, but ... well, poor Ellie, she doesn't understand.
[a young woman enters and walks up to the table]
PAULA CARTER: Oh, hi Ellie!
[she sits down as Jack stands up]
ELLIE BARNES: Oh, don't stand up, Jack!
PAULA CARTER: Oh, don't be misled, honey ... uh, standup comedians can't sit still too long!
JACK CARTER: Very humorous, what kind of a crack was that? Are you insinuating that I am not a gentleman?
PAULA CARTER: I certainly am!
JACK CARTER: When I take you to a poolroom, don't I let you shoot first?
PAULA CARTER: Only because I'm paying!
[they both laugh, as Ellie looks around]
ELLIE BARNES: Joey here yet?
JACK CARTER: No, didn't he call you and tell you he'd meet you here?
ELLIE BARNES: Well yes, but I thought he'd be here by now.
JACK CARTER: Well, listen honey. Y'know us, you can't depend on us ... show biz has no regular hours.
PAULA CARTER: Yeah, and the only time they're on time is showtime.
ELLIE BARNES: Well, in defense of Joey, I must say he was on time once.
ELLIE BARNES: He was gonna take me to a party, and he said he'd be at my apartment at eight o'clock, and at eight o'clock he was there!
ELLIE BARNES: To tell me he couldn't make it.
JACK CARTER: Well, that's how it goes, there you are ... That's Joey, that's show biz!
ELLIE BARNES: Well, I understand he can't always be on time, but when he's late, he dismisses it with a joke. Like last Saturday night, he was gonna take me to a party, and he was a half an hour late. And y'know what he said?
JACK CARTER: Oh, he probably said "I'd have been on time, but my stockings are guaranteed not to run!"
ELLIE BARNES: That is exactly what he said!
JACK CARTER: The nerve'a that guy ... that's my joke!
PAULA CARTER: Ellie, you'd better learn to grin and bear it, 'cause if you're married to a comedian, you'll hear nothing but jokes!
[she gets an uncomfortable look on her face]
ELLIE BARNES: Married? Heh, who said anything about marriage?
JACK CARTER: I've got a sneaking suspicion that when this dinner is over, you're gonna be wearing something on the third finger of your left hand ... mustard!
[Joey enters]
JOEY BARNES: Sorry I'm late.
[he sits down]
ELLIE BARNES: Oh, that's okay.
JOEY BARNES: Kept you waiting long?
ELLIE BARNES: No, as a matter of fact, I had to work late too.
ELLIE BARNES: A new shipment of books came into the library.
JOEY BARNES: Oh ... I'll tell you one thing, they never had librarians like this when we were kids. If they did, boy, I would've taken out the librarian and left the book on the shelf! The way you look tonight, I would've been about ninety dollars overdue!
JACK CARTER: Oh, he's hot tonight!
ELLIE BARNES: Oh, I'm starved!
JACK CARTER: Yeah, well ... you know, there's no vitamins in library paste!
[everyone laughs]
ELLIE BARNES: [pause] Oh, I get it!
[she laughs, as the waiter returns]
WAITER: Folks, ready to order?
[he starts passing out menus]
JOEY BARNES: Yeah, I tell you what, there won't be any need for menus. It's gonna be a little celebration, and uh ... and I suggest caviar.
JACK CARTER: Oh, I don't like caviar.
PAULA CARTER: No, me neither.
ELLIE BARNES: No, I don't like caviar, either.
JOEY BARNES: Well then, forget it, there's no use killing a whole caviar just for one person.
JACK CARTER: You're wild tonight!
WAITER: Henny Youngman did the same joke last week with an elephant ...
[he leaves, then another male comedian enters]
HERKIE STYLES: Hey! Joey, Jack!
JACK CARTER: Herkie! Herkie, baby!
[he sits down]
HERKIE STYLES: Boy, am I glad to see you guys! Hi, Paula!
HERKIE STYLES: Well, I open at the Rainbow Room in Jersey tomorrow and I need some opening lines.
JACK CARTER: Opening lines ... Rainbow Room, Rainbow Room. Oh, you come right out and say, "Rainbow Room, glad to be here! Uh, when you get your check, your face'll turn all colors!"
JOEY BARNES: Then you turn around, take a look at the band. Say, "Folks, this band used to work at the Starlight Roof. One year, they voted this band the band most likely to be shoved off!"
HERKIE STYLES: Oh, you're on top! Come on, I need some more!
JACK CARTER: Let's see, dressing room. Uh ... Oh! "The boss sent me a big basket of fruit, luckily I wasn't in the dressing room when it exploded!"
JOEY BARNES: I'll give you a great one!
JOEY BARNES: So far, you may not even open the way we're going ...
JOEY BARNES: But I'll give you another one ... Just say "It's my opening night, and I'm as nervous as a New York Mets outfielder!"
HERKIE STYLES: Oh, beautiful zinger!
PAULA CARTER: Fellahs, uh, excuse us, please, but I think we'd like to go tease our hair.
[Paula and Ellie get up to leave, as Jack and Herkie continue to discuss material]
JOEY BARNES: Okay ... don't be long, 'cause I'm starved.
[Ellie gives him a dirty look, but he doesn't seem to notice, and continues the discussion with the other two comedians]
HERKIE STYLES: Listen now, when I do the "trouble" bit and I take the breaks, right? I need some funny poems.
JACK CARTER: Oh, a little poem. Little cuties ... Joe, you know a couple. Oh, wait a minute! "Roses are red, violets are blue, I kicked my girl with an Army shoe!"



The Joey Bishop Show
Season 3, Episode 14 - "Jack Carter Helps Joey Propose"
Synopsis: In a flashback, Jack Carter and his wife double date with the Barneses.

Tuesday, January 29, 2013

Case Study No. 0756: Betsy Treading, the "Librarian Murderess"

Neighborhood Watch A Novel (Unabridged) Audio Book
http://www.qb neighborhood-watch-a-novel-unabridged/
Twelve years ago, librarian Betsy Treading was convicted of murdering her neighbor, the bohemian loner Linda Sue....
Tags: audiobook cammie mcgovern tantor audio coleen marlo
Added: 1 month ago
From: AudioBooksification
Views: 1


Neighborhood Watch: A Novel
Cammie McGovern (Author)
Release Date: June 10, 2010

A riveting and frightening tale of false accusation from the author of Eye Contact

Twelve years ago librarian Betsy Treading was convicted of murdering her neighbor, the bohemian loner Linda Sue. After DNA testing finally exonerates Betsy, she returns to her suburban community determined to salvage her life and find the true killer. As she begins to pick apart the web of secrets, lies, and love affairs uncovered in the wake of her trial, Betsy suspects that her tight-lipped neighbors may know something that she has denied even to herself.

In Neighborhood Watch, Cammie McGovern captures the nail-biting electricity of the best literary thrillers and zeros in on the subterranean tension abuzz in a town whose dark secrets threaten to obliterate the glossy façade of a perfect life. It is also the story of a woman coming into her own, finding her strength, and taking control of her life. It asks readers, what sort of price would you pay for the sake of your reputation? Intricately woven, psychologically astute, and filled with complex and surprising characters, Neighborhood Watch marks a significant step in the career of this talented author.



After twelve years in prison, Betsy Treading is released when new DNA evidence irrefutably proves that she didn't murder her eccentric and noticeably single neighbor, Linda Sue Murphy. But Betsy quickly discovers that innocence in court doesn't redeem her in the eyes of old friends. To clear her name and find Linda Sue's true killer, the former librarian unravels the web of denial, delusion, and secrets that has ensnared her community. A psychological tour de force, Neighborhood Watch rips the surface off a seemingly idyllic world and keeps readers guessing until the very last page.



In this superb suburban thriller from McGovern (Eye Contact), newly tested DNA evidence results in the release from prison of Betsy Treading (aka the Librarian Murderess) after serving 12 years for the bludgeoning of sexy divorcee Linda Sue Nelson, a neighbor in Milford, Conn. Betsy, a somnambulist, had confessed out of fear she'd done the deed while sleepwalking. Back home in Milford, Betsy determines to find out who really killed Linda Sue, who was having an affair with their married neighbor, charismatic author Geoffrey Steadman, who was a friend of Betsy's then husband, Paul. Now divorced from Paul, Betsy accepts temporary lodgings with an old friend and neighbor, Marianne Rashke, founder of the local neighborhood watch group. McGovern, a former Stegner Fellow at Stanford, seductively unreels Betsy's pursuit of the truth one shocking spool at a time. Fans of literary suspense fiction will be well rewarded.



Secrets need safe harbors. They lurk in places you'd expect - laboratories that house controversial experiments, the scenes of brutal murders, inside the minds of those who've committed crimes. But secrets also have a tendency to hide in inconspicuous, quiet places. In a marriage that seems perfectly normal. In a house on a typical suburban street. In a garden that just won't seem to grow. And in the mind of a librarian whose ordinary days belie the memories that disturb her nights. All of these secrets are at the center of Cammie McGovern's Neighborhood Watch.

For more than a decade, Betsy Treading has been haunted by the secrets surrounding the death of her neighbor, Linda Sue. Scant evidence seemed to implicate Betsy in the murder. Based on her years of severe sleepwalking, she had little trouble believing cops' scenario and has spent the last twelve years in prison, kept company by a cellmate and her imaginary children - the ones she's lost in five heartbreaking miscarriages.

When DNA testing finally exonerates Betsy, she finds herself released from one prison and back into another: the stifling suburban street where she lived with her now–ex husband. It's a different world now, one of cell phones and paranoia, where people she once called friends go out of their way to ignore her. It is a world where, in order to be accepted, Betsy must solve Linda Sue's murder once and for all. Doing so will require dredging up painful memories and sorting through what really happened on the night of the killing.

As she investigates, Betsy begins to remember more and more about the time leading up to Linda Sue's death. But other memories also emerge about her horrific childhood and the marriage she now realizes was, much like her quintessentially suburban life, an illusion.

But most of all, Betsy finally unravels the vast web of secrets she and her suburban neighbors have desperately tried to hide for so many years. The reason for Linda Sue's murder lies in these secrets, as does the identity of the real killer. Even with an ever–watchful eye, secrets are never truly safe - and neither are those who try to keep or uncover them.



Cammie McGovern's third novel Neighborhood Watch takes the reader on a compelling ride through the courtrooms, secret cold-fusion labs (seriously,) prison system, libraries and local Neighborhood Watch meetings of contemporary, suburban Connecticut.

We meet our protagonist, librarian Betsy Treading, as she is serving her sentence at the Connecticut Correctional Institute for Women. Betsy not only was accused, but confessed, to killing her single, divorced, next door neighbor Linda Sue, apparently in a jealous rage over a shared crush and pregnancy.

Betsy does not remember the events of the night in question, but she found a blood stained nightgown, was in her neighbor's house, and has a history of sleepwalking. Also, Betsy's neighbors and friends made well-intentioned comments to one another, and later, the police, about her mental instability (although how well-meaning they truly are might be up for debate) who did not know the depths of her challenges with fertility. The aforementioned all draw Betsy to the police station with her bloody nightgown and a confession that, however weak, led to her conviction, and her tabloid title: The Librarian Murderess.

Once the Innocence Project becomes involved in her case, and Betsy is released into the custody of some former neighbors, onto the very street where the dirty deed occurred, she decided to search for answers on her own. Who else knew about her sleepwalking? Who else was in Linda's house that night? What happened to Linda's cat and why wasn't a cat ever mentioned in the police report? What do her neighbors really know? And why can Betsy not remember a single thing from that night?

McGovern paints a seemingly realistic portrayal of life in prison (not having 'done a nickle' ourselves we can only attest to material previously read and viewed) although isolated from the outside world, there is community within the prison walls; friends are few and far between but once you find them you fight hard to keep them; and there are no romanticized scenes when other inmates discover that Betsy will be released. Instead there is bitter resentment, feelings of betrayal, and crushing jealousy that she will be leaving while they will be staying behind.

Parallels between prison life and suburbia are implied, such as the notion of sticking to one's own kind, everyone wearing a uniform (orange jumpsuit or khakis and polo shirt), talking but not really saying anything, especially when certain people are present, seemed an intriguing narrative element. When you threw in the neighbors learning how to Taser gun someone in case of a burglary? Or hosting an ex-convict to tell them about how he used to choose homes to break into? The lines of prison life, and life “outside” became more blurred.

For readers of literary fiction interested in spicing things up a bit, mystery fans, or womens literature fans: Neighborhood Watch is a speedy weekend read that will keep you guessing. (Even those of you who usually guess the answers at the very beginning? This should keep you on your toes!)



In the twelve years I've lived in the Connecticut Correctional Institute for Women, I've tried in vain to forget about the past and focus instead on the here and now, on contributions I can make to improve the quality of life for everyone in here. I am different than most of the other inmates, who've grown up in either juvenile detention centers or trailer parks they shared with rats that were, for some, more pleasant than their stepfathers. Scratch a female inmate, I've discovered, and you'll usually find a girl whose mother had terrible taste in men. I've also learned this much: I'm not better than any of these women, nor - for all my education and degrees - am I smarter. We've made the same mistakes, misjudged other people and ourselves.

Officially I am the prison librarian, a job for which I get paid thirty-five cents an hour. I solicit donations from publishers and local libraries, and in twelve years have transformed a bookshelf of thirty tattered paperbacks into a library of more than six hundred titles, some delivered straight from the publisher. Books with pages so sharp and clean the girls have gotten paper cuts turning them.

For the last six years I've also served as an inmate representative on the prison welfare committee. There I won Wanda her right to keep more than one nail polish in her cell so she could re-create her old days as New Haven's most popular manicurist, the life she had before she shot and killed the husband who'd been beating her for fourteen years. Wanda is my best friend here, and I believe her when she says she felt like she had no other choice. "What's done is done," she says, "and I'd like to get back to work."

To a certain extent, she can. Not for money, of course, but she can ply her trade, as I can. Once upon a time I was at the top of my class in the UConn Library Science Program. I was the first hired and the fastest-rising assistant to the head librarian the Milford Town Library had ever seen. Readership, circulation, and interlibrary loans all increased under my stewardship right up until the day I was arrested, after which, of course, I have no more figures. We were on the cusp of numbers that would win us more state funding. I wouldn't mind knowing what became of that, but I don't.

The media dubbed me "The Librarian Murderess." One newspaper described me as a "Victorian Volcano," as if being a librarian might still be a reflection of one's sexual mores, which of course is ridiculous and archaic thinking. We librarians like books. We also enjoy research. Above all, we like serving people, which is what defines librarians, not our myopia or our sexless hair buns. We believe that when books are present and learning is possible, all people benefit. In my time here I've watched a twenty-three-year-old woman learn to read to keep up with her daughter in the first grade on the outside. I've watched another go from reading only the worst of our most popular titles - the blood-soaked crime novels the women here have a bottomless appetite for - to other genres: a collection of short stories, a biography of a tennis pro. Small satisfactions, but real ones nonetheless. Sometimes I believe I've made a larger difference here than I could have at my old job, where - let's be honest - the illiterate didn't often walk through the door.

Case Study No. 0755: Candace Hare

Librarians At Night
We like to dance to this song before we open the library.

Dance moves: Candace
Director/Camera/Editor: Michelle
Romance Wranglers: Tyler & Christin

This is a cover video of the Francis and the Lights video "The Top". one light, one camera, one tune. watch?v=OAP64i5FLF0
Tags: funk librarian dance francis and the lights top library books librarians at night
Added: 2 years ago
From: mthomlovegrove
Views: 756

[scene opens with a young female librarian pushing a book cart through an empty darkened library, when a bass-heavy beat starts and she ducks into the stacks ... the camera pans over to find her dancing under a spotlight in front of a microphone stand]

Mother mine
Look at my life
What have I done?
I let you down
But look at me
Look at me now
I said where?
I said where?

Father, father
I spent a long time, long time
Looking for a father figure
No, no, no
I don't care anymore
I don't care
I said where?
I said where?

Baby, baby
I'm sorry now
Sorry that I made you cry
I didn't mean to hurt you, girl
I was just jealous
Just a jealous guy
But I'm a man now
I said where?!
I said where?

[books suddenly fly at her from off camera, while the librarian continues to dance in slow motion ... then cut to the librarian standing outside and looking at the nighttime skyline, then the screen goes black]

Candace Hare
Library Director

Michelle Lovegrove Thomson

Paperback Launchers
Tyler and Christin

Francis & The Lights
"The Top"

c. MLT 2010



Librarians at Night [video]

Filmed, directed and edited by Michelle Thompson, starring Candace Hare. Shot in the River Reading Room at the Fredericton Public Library, May 2010.



This funked short features Candace, the Director of the library I worked at for the past year. It all came together when she received her Fluevog leather boots in the mail: time to break it down in the stacks. Shot with one light, one camera. I used a Sony PMW-EX1 HD cam with a fig rig for a hand-held long take.

Librarians at Night from Michelle Lovegrove Thomson

Case Study No. 0754: Staff of the Wind City Library

Bormac's Septerra Core 17
So, here we are looking around Wind City, chatting it up with the librarian.. And generally not knowing what to do. The game sort of leaves you hanging at this point. You want to go to the temple, but the door is shut tight. The only other significant building has a lot of story, but not a lot of plot, so to speak.
We only have one option that I can see to further the plot! So we will do it, a little random pilfering certainly will pay off! (Or not!)
Tags: Lets Play Septerra Core Playthrough
Added: 2 years ago
From: Bormac
Views: 140

[Maya and her party enter the Wind City Library, as she picks up a book titled "The Book of Draxx"]
MAYA: [reading] "The Curse of Draxx. Long ago legend tells of the ancient Necromancer Draxx. Lustful of the immortality of the Seraphim, he furtively studied the arts of the Undead. It is Draxx's Curse that even today darkens the graveyards and pollutes the land. Even the ancient catacombs of Wind City, which once stretched from Mourn Graveyard all the way to the Cathedral of the Seven Winds itself, were sealed to hold back the forces of the dead."
[she picks up another book titled "Alchemy in Modern Times"]
MAYA: [reading] "Alchemy and Chemicals. Many natural elements can be used for the benefit of mankind. The Chosen have taken this way of life to the extreme, with bio-engineered ships and armors, far superior to that of the lower Shells. But as strange as they may seem to us, even stranger are the tales surrounding the blood of the Undead. Long rumored to be deadly to the living, some have recently found uses for this foul chemical, using its strong corrosive properties as an acid."
[she walks up to one of the monks in the library]
MAYA: Hey, how's it going?
[the monk says nothing]
MAYA: Not a very talkative fellow ...
[she moves on, and picks up another book titled "Book of Helgak, Vol. I"]
MAYA: [reading] "The origin of Helgak. Helgak are the dominant animal species of our world. Generally, any floating creature with a calciate, or bony, exoskeleton is considered to be of the Helgak family. Most scholars believe these animals were put here by the Creator to perform tasks for men, but recent theories speculate that the Helgak are mutations from a period before even Marduk's age, when men could not distinguish between technology and science. Recent proofs of these arguments lie in similar genetic information between common Wulves and Thunder Lions, and even between humans and Underlost. Many, however, still consider the biology of the Helgak to be quite beyond our means of creation; their mysterious 'purpose' seems too deliberate for our frail minds."
[she picks up another book titled "Ancient Manuscripts and Texts, Vol. X"]
MAYA: [reading] "Marduk the Law Giver. Son of the Creator and the celestial giver of the Law, Marduk is the primary demigod of the Septerran world. Sometime in the ancient past, usually dated as 2145 CR, Marduk was commanded by the Creator to enter into the material worlds of men. Tasked with retrieving the Core Keys and rescuing the Angel Kyra from the Daemon Gemma, Marduk set upon his task and changed history forever. Raising an army of men from every world shell, the Army of the Seven Winds, Marduk discovered the location of Gemma's hidden fortress and began his assault. It was here that he battled the massive Core Creature Daemon that guarded Gemma's fortress, and then did battle with Gemma for a hundred days. The triumphant Marduk destroyed the blasphemer and smote his temple, rescuing Kyra and the artifacts for all mankind. To this day the Guard of Wind City carries on Marduk's Daemon Force technique, wielding mastery over the use of Dimensional gates."
[she picks up another book titled "Elementals and Demigods, Vol. XIX"]
MAYA: [reading] "Ouroboros. Near the core of the world there is a cave, a temple to the three-headed serpent of fire, Ouroboros. Ouroboros is as old as the world and his body is long enough to encircle all of Septerra. Through the fury he feels at his lack of unity, Ouroboros generates light and heat to warm and fuel Septerra. Some legends have said that the world will end when the three heads agree on any one thing. Finally, Ouroboros' fire bakes the element of Earth."
[she picks up another book titled "The Big Book of the Conjunction"]
MAYA: [reading] "The Great Conjunction. Every one hundred years, the Shells of Septerra allow enough light to reach the Core, an event known as the Conjunction. An unexplainable result of the Conjunction is the affect on the creatures of Septerra. One of the oddest examples is the Kahli Crabs of Shell 3. Every one hundred years, during the Conjunction, these deep lake dwellers leave their homes and travel to the shores of their birth, there to spawn, laying the eggs for another generation."
[she picks up another book titled "Elementals and Demigods, Vol. XIII"]
MAYA: [reading] "Sedna and Pilitak. Sedna is the queen of the ocean, the master of the life-giving sea. Sedna was a girl who was tricked by a demon into marriage; rather than surrender to the unholy and deceitful union, she flung herself into the freezing ocean. She is said to watch over the bounty of the sea, and to bless and reward the people who use their marine resources responsibly and never overtax the waters. Pilitak is the great and loyal creature that watches and protects Sedna in the service of the elements. Finally, Sedna's Water is deadly to the element of Fire."
[she picks up another book titled "Book of Helgak, Vol. II"]
MAYA: [reading] "The Domestication of Helgak. Helgak have very 'soft' brains, and are thus easily domesticated. Man found use for Helgak as far back as our oldest written historical records. Many of the breeds retain air gasses that allow them to float for long periods of time, making Helgak useful for transportation and manual labor such as agriculture. The bony chitin of their shells is also useful for armor and weapons. The Chosen have taken Helgakian genetics further than anyone, 'growing' altered Helgak as a basis for their ships, armors, weapons, and even shelter. While many regard this as inhumane treatment of a living being, it is clearly much more efficient to heal a device as opposed to fixing it."
[she picks up another book titled "Core Energy, Its Power and Usage - Unabridged Edition, CR4342"]
MAYA: [reading] "Core Energy. The seven layers of continents that orbit our planet, called World Shells, are each connected to the Great Spine. The rotations of the Shells turn the joints of the Spine and create vast amounts of power, which is collected in the Core. Here it is used to run its ancient machinery and regulate every aspect of the planet. Excess energy is radiated from the Core into the world. This energy can be used for many purposes, from running machinery to casting spells. Every living thing has the ability to tap this energy and use it. Humans can replenish their Core energy by sleeping or by using ancient Relics called Core Runes to quickly regain energy. Core Engines are special devices that draw in Core Power from the world and store it for use in machines."
[she picks up another book titled "Elementals and Demigods, Vol. X"]
MAYA: [reading] "Humbaba. The guardian of earth and ore. Humbaba is the living personification of a volcano; the body of this one-eyed giant is made of stone, lava, and metal. Humbaba watches over the forest and the land, carefully regulating the ecology of our world. When balance is lost, all suffer Humbaba's fury until he can be quieted and reassured that men are adequate stewards of his lands. Finally, Humbaba's Earth is deadly to Air."
[she picks up another book titled "Fate Cards in Theory and Practice"]
MAYA: [reading] "Law and Chaos. The battle between Marduk and Gemma may be long over, but their struggle for the hearts and minds of the people of Septerra will rage quietly for a long time. It is said that combining the Fate Cards of the giver of law and the maker of chaos creates powerful spells, reflecting the intensity of the epic war waged by the two Fates who have shaped our world."
[she picks up another book titled "Elementals and Demigods, Vol. XVI"]
MAYA: [reading] "Simurgh. A mighty bird with wings that span the height of a hundred men. Simurgh is the watcher of air, wind, sky and weather. Every thousand years, the Simurgh nests to lay a single egg. This egg contains her spirit, reborn and refreshed to best serve the elements of the ether. When the egg is hatched, the old Simurgh blows away as dust, and the young hatchling continues the tasks of the guardian of wind. Finally, Simurgh's Lightning is deadly to denizens of Water."
[she picks up another book titled "Ancient Manuscripts and Texts, Vol. XII"]
MAYA: [reading] "Dogo the Trickster. Dogo is a mysterious and treacherous demigod of folklore and myth. No one really knows to whom this being pays allegiance, and his dark and clever mind is truly hidden from all but the Creator. When Gemma held Kyra the Angel as prisoner in his secret fortress, it was Dogo who made her rescue possible. He convinced the Daemon Lord to allow Kyra to have at least one item of comfort - a mirror. She could use it, he argued, to make herself beautiful for her new Lord. Gemma, ever greedy and lustful, agreed. Dogo created her mirror from the very stuff of the Core and gave it to the captured angel. She used it to reflect her light into the heavens, creating the stars. Marduk, seeing this sign, followed the brightest to Gemma' hidden lair, rescuing Kyra and destroying Gemma."
[she picks up another book titled "Ancient Manuscripts and Texts, Vol. XIII"]
MAYA: [reading] "Gemma the Daemon. Gemma was once a Seraphim who stood alongside Marduk and Kyra at the Creator's side. But soon, lusting for the power of God, he fell from grace to become a twisted Daemon Lord. Banished to the utter darkness, Gemma swore revenge and found his way into the lands of men. There he built his secret fortress of Gehan, plotting his ultimate rule of all the known universe. To this end, the Daemon recruited an army of spirits from the outer reaches of the elemental realms, and used them to steal the Creator's Core Keys and even the Angel of Light ... Kyra. When Gemma was finally destroyed, his body was thrown into the pits of Janaak, there to burn for all eternity. Marduk then captured the Dark One's evil spirits and trapped them within another dimension, to be called on only by the followers of his Law, to forever be used to battle the followers of Chaos."
[she picks up another book titled "Ancient Manuscripts and Texts, Vol. XIV"]
MAYA: [reading] "The Creator. The mysterious force who created the world of Septerra to function as a meticulous clockwork on a planetary scale. At the center of this world he created is the Core, believed by many to be the regulator of our planet, forever watching over its master's creation. Many scholars have studied the various clues left behind by the Creator's followers and poured through the ancient texts in pursuit of the nature of this supreme god. Why did he create the Keys that are prophesized to unlock the Core? What is the fabled Gift of the Creator that he who succeeds in communing with the Core is destined to receive? Marduk once prophesized that it would be the grace by which mankind would save himself from certain doom. Many believe it to be a test of all mankind on that fateful day, and that the Creator will judge us all, and we shall either receive the hellfires of the Pits of Janaak, or we shall inherit the Kingdom of Heaven."
[she picks up another book titled "Ancient Manuscripts and Texts, Vol. XI"]
MAYA: [reading] "Kyra the Angel of Light. Most revered of all the Creator's Seraphim, it is Kyra who is responsible for the light of day and night. So desirable was she that Gemma, the Fallen, took her from the heavens and hid her within his secret fortress of Gehan. After her rescue and the restoration of her light to the world, Kyra became Marduk's bride, ruling Septerra from his side as Queen of the city of Babylon. During this time she brought her healing powers and rejuvenating light to all the peoples of the world shells."
[she walks up to the librarian (another monk in a dark brown robe, his face obscured by his cowl)]
MAYA: What is this place?
ABBOT: This is the Library of Wind City. What would you like to know?
[the player selects "Maya"]
MAYA: This place is even bigger than Azziz's temple!
ABBOT: Azziz ... Mhhm. I once knew a man named Azziz. Bright fellow.
[the player selects "Grubb"]
GRUBB: Do you have any books on robotics?
ABBOT: Robo ... what?
[the player selects "Tomb"]
MAYA: Do you know anything about the Tomb in the Graveyard?
ABBOT: The whole graveyard is a source of great evil. The people have built walls all around the city to protect them from it. The Tomb is the source of that evil.
[the player selects "Headless Statue"]
GRUBB: Do you know anything about the statue in the Graveyard?
ABBOT: It's the likeness of an ancient necromancer, Draxx. The statue was defiled years ago. Its head lies in the Library, for safekeeping. Some say the head was removed to keep the curse of Draxx from animating the statue ... but that's just a myth.
[the player selects "Monks"]
GRUBB: What's up with the Monks?
ABBOT: They have taken a vow of silence in protest to the proposed dissolution of the Holy Guard. The monks have proposed a system by which the City would be run by both the Guard and the Presidency, with the Library as a third branch, to keep power balanced. But the people do not listen.
[the player selects "Holy Guard"]
MAYA: Do you know a man named Bowman?
ABBOT: A great, yet troubled man.
MAYA: Why?
ABBOT: President Dugan wants to dissolve the Holy Guard, the protectors of Wind City, and rule without the checks and balances that the Guard provides. Bowman, who leads the Guard, must decide if he should force the people into the light of truth, or give in and watch as they are led down a dark path of lies ...
[the player selects "Marduk"]
MAYA: Tell me the story of the Fates.
ABBOT: During the infancy of our world, the Creator fashioned two relics of power that could be used to communicate with the Core, and receive its power. Many men fought over these Keys, but only one succeeded in snaring them away from God - the Daemon Gemma, who also kidnapped Kyra, the angel of light, to be his bride. When his host of angels failed to defeat the Daemon, the Creator sent Marduk, his only begotten son, to defeat the forces of darkness, and left the affairs of men forever. Marduk searched for Gemma's secret fortress, assembling an army of warriors from every world shell ... the Army of the Seven Winds. But an army cannot fight what they cannot find. When all hope appeared lost, Dogo, a trickster daemon, convinced Gemma that he should allow Kyra to have at least one item of comfort - a mirror. She could use it, he argued, to make herself beautiful for her new Lord. Gemma, ever greedy and lustful, agreed. Dogo created her mirror from the very stuff of the Core and gave it to the captured angel. She used it to reflect her light into the heavens, creating the stars. Marduk, seeing this sign, followed the brightest to Gemma's hidden lair. After a battle that raged for a hundred days, the son of God smote Gemma. Marduk sent the Daemon's soul to the secret places of the earth, his blood became rivers and his eyes the darkness of death. Gemma's body was thrown into the hellish pits of Janaak, there to burn for all eternity. Afterwards, Marduk captured Gemma's daemon spawn and imprisoned them within other dimensions, to be called on by his followers alone. Then he created the Temple City of Babylon and ruled with Kyra for many years, hiding the Keys until mankind would need the Gift that lies in the Core.
MAYA: Ah, the Kingdom of Heaven?
ABBOT: Yes. Marduk taught us that its power would one day save the world.
[the player selects "Septerra"]
MAYA: Do you know how the great Spine works?
ABBOT: Yes, I've studied it well. The Spine connects all the World Shells like a giant rod, from the North to the South Pole. It gathers the energy created by the rotation of the continents, which act like giant turbines. This energy is used to power the Core and is the source of the energy that we all use to cast spells and power our machinery.
[the player selects "Wind City"]
MAYA: Do you know of Marduk?
ABBOT: Wind City was founded by his followers.
MAYA: His followers?
ABBOT: Yes, for Marduk raised the Seven Winds of Septerra, seven armies, one of each World Shell, and led them against Gemma and his dark legions. Marduk slew the dark one, and captured his daemon minions, to be called only by Marduk's followers. Our Holy Guard of the Seven Winds carry on Marduk's teachings.
[she moves on, and picks up another book titled "Elementals and Demigods, Vol. II"]
MAYA: [reading] "Thanatos. Death comes eventually for all the children of the Creator, in the form of Thanatos. Thanatos is the giver and taker of the spark of life, the floating and fearsome spectre that is present at every passing to guide our spirits into the next realm. Thanatos does not answer to Marduk, Gemma, or even the Creator; only his eternal love, loyalty and devotion to the angel Kyra keeps him at his job and allows us all to finally sleep after a life fully lived."
[she picks up another book titled "The Life Sciences"]
MAYA: [reading] "New Theories. Recently, so-called 'scientists' have concocted bizarre theories concerning the appearance of life on Septerra. Rejecting the long-accepted tales of the Creator, Marduk and Gemma, these theoreticians postulate that living creatures came about through gradual change over millions of years, starting as one-celled organisms and gaining complexity through competitive struggle. Even more preposterous, some such fools suggest that man himself may have come from the lowly Helgak!"



"Septerra Core: Legacy of the Creator" is a role-playing video game developed by Valkyrie Studios and published by Monolith Productions in 1999.

In the center of Septerra lies the Core, a giant Bio-computer. Seven continents, each with its own unique geography, population and cultures, turn around the core on different levels. The title "Septerra" is from the Latin "septem", seven, and "terra", earth.

In the beginning the creator brought forth the shining jewels of the universe and their secrets. One such jewel was the world known as Septerra, its secret hidden within its core. Seven distinct layers of continents called world shells orbit the planet, each connected to the other by a giant bio-organic spine. At the center of all lies the core, an enormous bio-computer regulating the movements of the shells.

The creator fashioned into this world a way in which man himself, one day would inherit his power. He created twin keys that can be used to unlock the secrets, granting the gift of the creator, the kingdom of heaven. Every 100 years the alignment of the upper continents creates a beam of light which penetrates to the depths of the core, activating it for a short period. At this time the keys may be used to unlock its secrets. Many men have attempted to possess these relics, but the world was not yet ready.

Then there was one that the creator and the host of angels could not destroy. A fallen seraphim who captured the keys to the core. The creator in desperation sent Marduk, his only begotten son, to Septerra, and then left the affairs of men forever.

After a battle that raged for 100 days, Marduk defeated Gemma and retrieved the keys. Teaching that the world was not yet ready for such power, he hid the ancient relics. But Marduk prophesied that one day, many millennia in the future, when the world was in grave danger, they would once again be found. The power they could unlock could save the world from destruction. That time, is now.

A powerful Chosen, inhabitants of Septerra who strongly believe in their own superiority of knowledge and technology, named Doskias wishes to fulfill this legacy with force. This will be a disaster for all the other people who live on Septerra.

In the meantime a young woman named Maya, an orphaned junker, finds herself in the middle of the conflict, as it was Doskias who orphaned her and her friends. What begins as a quest of revenge, unfolds into a plot to save the Legacy of the Creator and Septerra itself from falling into the wrong hands. Without help she won't stand a chance against the Chosen and other enemies. But who can she trust in a world ravaged with war, a world on the brink of ruin...?



Enter Wind City, and its main section of the city. (The Resivoir is closed off for now.) Talk with the various locals, and have Grubb fix some of the peoples' items for free stuff. You'll pass by an array of shops - they have awnings over the doorways and green-colored marble floors. Shop if you want, and then enter the Capitol building. Once inside, head northeast to the Library.

The Library contains a broken model of Septerra (Grubb can't fix it), plus lots of books. Look at some of the books for some facts on the world of Septerra, its demi-gods, and its legends. You'll run into a bunch of monks who haven't got much to say. However, you'll eventually run into a talkative monk. He provides lots of information on Marduk, Bowman, the monks, and the weird statue in the Graveyard.

Head back east past the Septerra model, and you'll find another set of shelves... and a head. It's bolted by an iron collar to the table. Remember the headless statue you found at the Graveyard? Use the Acid Vial on the head, and add the head to your inventory.

Return to the Graveyard, and go back to the headless statue. REMEMBER TO SAVE YOUR GAME! The upcoming fight is a damn tough one. Select the head, and toss it on the statue. The statue of Draxx will then rumble, shake, and will start to fight your party. Draxx has about 150 or so HP, but can deal lots of damage on your party.


With Wind City closed off, head to Southfarm.

Once inside, you'll notice two guards at the gate. Unless you think you can boot their rears, just zip your lips and pass by them quietly. Enter the Weapons Shop to the southeast. Talk to the people there, especially with Corgan. Corgan will recognize Maxon, who's actually a monk helping to get people out of Wind City with a secret passage before the Chosen nuke the place. He will then open the grate, allowing you to enter Wind City's library.

Once inside, talk to Abbot. Ask about passports and he'll give you some fakes to exit Shell Three. Chat with him a little, then exit the place using the secret passage.



NPCs still wander around Southfarm, but their dialog is changed, and some won't talk to you at all.

I take this opportunity to restock on healing items and pick up some better gear for Corgan and better armour (which I couldn't afford earlier) for everyone at the weapons shop.

MAYA: Is there any resistance to the Chosen?
MAXON: I wouldn't tell anything to no-one but Wind City Guards about that. I certainly wouldn't trust the likes of you.

Good thing I have one of them right behind me.

CORGAN: Maxon ... is that you?
MAXON: Corgan?
CORGAN: What is a Monk of the Library doing selling junk?
MAXON: Looks like my disguise has failed. My brothers and I are trying to get people out of the city ...
MAYA: How are you getting them out?
MAXON: Underground tunnel to the Library, from this very shop ...
CORGAN: Can we use your route for passage, old man?
MAXON: Well, I recognize you, but who are your friends?
CORGAN: Allies, all around ... Layla has gifted them with her trust.
MAXON: Layla is alive?!
CORGAN: Aye, she's gathering our forces for a counterstrike. If we can get into the Library, perhaps the Monks can help us ...
MAXON: I'll allow them to pass, as long as you are with them.

The secret passage in the floor opens, leading us back into the Wind City library.

ABBOT: Corgan, is-is that you?
CORGAN: Aye, Bowman is dead. Layla now leads the Guard.
ABBOT: Bring her my sympathies ...
MAYA: What's going on?
ABBOT: We've formed an underground passage to get people safely out of the city.
GRUBB: How long did it take to build the tunnel?
ABBOT: It's part of the network of catacombs under the city. Our ancestors have done most of the work for us.
CORGAN: Abbot, do you know anything about the fate of the border towns?
ABBOT: Most are in dire trouble. The Chosen are ruthless and have begun to cut off supply routes.
MAYA: We need passports, can you help us?
ABBOT: I have some forgeries that we secured from our spies. Take them and put them to good use, child.

Monday, January 28, 2013

Case Study No. 0753: Staff of Unnamed Library (Bill Hutkins, Library Cop)

Bill Hutkins: Library Cop (short film) - Part 1
The epic saga of a pathetic but lovable Library Cop named Bill.

Tags: idtv bill hutkins library cop comedy sketch mustache glasses douchbag dooshbag college humor
Added: 4 years ago
From: IDTVshow
Views: 1,705

[scene opens with a male security guard (overweight, sunglasses, fake mustache, large keychain on his belt) pushing a book back on the shelf, then turning and speaking directly to the camera]
BILL: This isn't the most glamorous job in the world, but somebody's gotta do it. Somebody's gotta keep the punks from, y'know, smokin' their dope and having their unprotected sex in these great hallowed halls. And that guy is me, y'know?
[he peeks around the corner (as if expecting to find a perpetrator there)]
BILL: Let's say, uh, one day you're just readin' a Charles Dickenses book, y'know what I'm sayin'? And uh, some crazy doucheface comes along and uh ... just totally whips their balls out, and puts it on top'a your book? Who's gonna stop them? This guy. That's right, I'm a library security guard.

Stunderwood Productions Presents ...
A Drew Stewart Film

Matt Underwood
Caroline Ragsdale
Louie Marrero

Bill Hutkins: Library Cop

["Rules and Regs" appears on screen, then cut to Bill pointing at a "Quiet Area" sign]
BILL: Heh heh ...
[cut to various shots of Bill making his rounds through the library with his flashlight]
BILL: [in voice over] My, uh, fadder was a security guard. His fadder was a security guard ... Uh, his fadder worked at a gas station. It killed him every single day, which is why our fadders got into this fine profession.
[cut to Bill taking a male patron's wallet and throwing it across the room]
BILL: Try to get a hold of your dope now, huh?
[cut to Bill sneaking up behind another male patron holding a book, as he points his flashlight at the back of his head]
BILL: Library's closed, chief.
[the patron drops his book in surprise, then cut to another shot of the patron walking through the library while holding a paper cup ... as Bill walks up behind him and slaps the cup out of his hand]
BILL: Jerkface!
[cut to a closeup of a map of the library, with "No beverages are allowed in the colored areas" written on it]
BILL: [in voice over] As you can see, uh, beverages are not allowed in the library.
[cut to Bill standing in front of a glass cabinet filled with beverage containers, marked "Beverage Policy"]
BILL: This here is a little, uh, window of my collections here. That I've, uh, confiscated from douchebags. It's kind of a, uh, scarlet letter, if you will. A scarlet letter of douchebaggery ...
[he points at the camera]
BILL: Don't be a doucheface!
[cut to a female student sitting at a desk and studying, when a male student carrying a boomerang walks up next to her]
PUNK KID: Whatcha doin'?
[he sits up on the desk and begins bouncing a ball in front of her]
ANNOYED GIRL: [pause] Studying.
PUNK KID: How much more do you have to go?
ANNOYED GIRL: What does it matter?
[he begins slapping the boomerang loudly in his hand, as the girl tries to ignore him]
PUNK KID: So what level class is it?
ANNOYED GIRL: Four thousand.
PUNK KID: [pause] There you go.
[she eventually can't take it and slaps his hand away, then cut to the female student speaking directly to the camera]
ANNOYED GIRL: I just wanna study. I just want everyone to leave me alone, is that too much to ask?
[cut back to the punk distracting the female student with a toy alligator]
ANNOYED GIRL: [in voice over] Just ... just go away. Just don't bother me.
[cut back to the female student speaking directly to the camera]
ANNOYED GIRL: Stop bugging me.
[cut back to the punk, who is now lying down on the desk with his shirt off]
PUNK KID: Where you goin' for spring break?
ANNOYED GIRL: Nowhere! What're you doing? Put your shirt back on!
PUNK KID: I'd like to go to Panama City, try to get a tan ...
[cut to the punk doing pushups on the desk]
PUNK KID: One thousand one, one thousand two ...
[cut to the punk putting his hands behind his head, as the female student continues to look mortified]
PUNK KID: You like guys who shave their armpits, or is that ... Should I shave mine?
[cut to the security guard standing in front of a door, speaking directly to the camera]
BILL: Eh, this is my office right here. This is for the executives, which would be me.
[the camera pans over to reveal that it's the door to the men's room, then cut to inside the bathroom as Bill stands next to one of the stalls]
BILL: It's a luxurious place ... Uh, this is where I do all my best thinking.
[cut to Bill pointing at some graffiti on the wall inside the stall]
BILL: This is the ... "best place on campus to come and jack off with other college guys! Yeah! Rock 'n roll forever!"
[he pauses]
BILL: I did not write that. Uh, obviously someone has come in and ... uh, vandalized my office.
[cut to Bill sitting on the toilet (with his pants still on)]
BILL: Ah, usually sit right here, y'know? Uh, think of ways to keep you safe from all the punks and the douchebags who are hopped up on drugs.
[cut to another angle of Bill sitting on the toilet]
BILL: If I get a little thirsty, I grab a straw ...
[he pantomimes bending down and placing a straw in the toilet]
BILL: Drink out from right there! It's great!
[cut back to the female student speaking directly to the camera]
ANNOYED GIRL: There's some creepy ... like, janitor, or maybe he's one of those "too much power" security guards.
[cut to Bill trying to nonchalantly stand behind the student as she's studying]
ANNOYED GIRL: [in voice over] He walks around ... around me. A lot.
[cut back to the female student speaking directly to the camera]
ANNOYED GIRL: And sometimes ... I think he's smelling me. I mean, that sounds kinda strange, but really.
[cut to Bill standing over the female student and smelling her hair]
ANNOYED GIRL: [in voice over] He leans in and ... and sniffs. It-It's weird.
[cut back to the female student speaking directly to the camera]
ANNOYED GIRL: I don't know what to do.
[cut to Bill speaking directly to the camera]
BILL: Me and the lady, we got a little thing goin' on. It's kinda like the, uh, Ross and Rachel of the library, y'know? One minute we're together, the next minute we're not.
[cut to more footage of Bill standing behind the female student and creeping her out]
BILL: [in voice over] She is the most beautiful woman ...
[cut back to Bill speaking directly to the camera]
BILL: I've ever seen in my life.
[cut back to Bill standing over the female student, as he points at her book]
BILL: That's a peacock ... Funny word, peacock. It's got "pee" and "cock" in it.
[cut to the punk sitting in the library eating potato chips, as he throws his ball right at another male patron's face and laughs]
PUNK KID: Heh heh heh ...
[Bill walks by, when he notices the food and stops]
BILL: Eh ... What're ya doin' there, pal? You, uh, eatin' some Pringles?
PUNK KID: Yeah, they're good. You had this kind before? The pepper kind ...
BILL: This is, ah--
[he holds up a potato chip]
BILL: Oh, no thank you ... This is a serious offense here, guy. Gonna hafta take you to the office there. Come on, chief. Let's go to the office.
PUNK KID: I don't know any code "1-3-4-5" ...
[he continues eating, as Bill continues pointing his flashlight at him]
BILL: Uh, "1-3-4-5." Falls under, uh, "You cannot eat Pringles in the library" ... Come on, we're gonna have to go to the office.
PUNK KID: Alright.
[he gets up, but grabs another chip first]
PUNK KID: One for the road!
BILL: The president's gonna be very mad at you ... and I'm serious.
[cut to the male library director sitting in his office, talking on the phone (as "President of the Library" appears on screen)]
PRESIDENT OF THE LIBRARY: [into the phone] So I said, I'm the President of the Library! We can take my yacht!
[Bill walks in, holding the punk by the arm]
BILL: Hey there, boss! I, uh, caught this punk--
[the president looks up and nods at the punk]
[the punk smiles and waves]
PUNK KID: Hey dad!
BILL: In violation of code "8-6-7-5-3-0-9."
PRESIDENT OF THE LIBRARY: Wait wait wait wait ... This is my son. Look, if you give him anymore trouble, you're fired. Okay?
[the punk laughs in Bill's face, while the president goes back to talking into the phone]
PRESIDENT OF THE LIBRARY: [into the phone] I have so much money! I'm the president!
[he laughs, while the punk heads for the door ... but before leaving, he turns and gives Bill a playful slap on the cheek]
PUNK KID: See ya around ...
["Douchebaggery" appears on screen, then cut to footage of the punk harassing Bill in the library]
BILL: [in voice over] That kid is a freakin' douchebag. Y'know, just cause his daddy's the president ...
[cut to Bill speaking directly to the camera]
BILL: President of what? President of all jack-offs!
[cut back to Bill and the punk, as he tries to take his keys back]
BILL: What? What?
[the punk whips him in the kneecap with the keychain]
BILL: Ah geez!
[he turns and winces in pain, then cut to Bill crawling on the floor]
BILL: Help. Help ... Ah, my leg's broken.
[cut to the punk sitting in the library, drinking out of a tall beer glass]
PUNK KID: Ah, love this yard glass!
[he slams it on the desk (shooting some of the water out and spilling it on the desk), then Bill walks into the screen and stares at him ... the punk eventually notices, and offers him the glass]
PUNK KID: Mm, want some water?
[as Bill stares at the water droplets on the desk, cut to a closeup of his sunglasses (as the screen is tinted red), then cut back to Bill in a more subdued state]
BILL: No ...
PUNK KID: It's good! It's good water ... Except uh, when you start drinking it, a little bubble forms down there.
[he points to the bottom of the glass]
PUNK KID: Sometimes it'll splash in your face. I kinda got some on here, you think you could clean it up for me?
[he gets up and leaves, as a frustrated Bill begrudgingly wipes up the water on the desk]
BILL: Jerkface!
[cut to the punk bouncing a tennis ball on his racket, then he hits it across the length of the library as Bill walks in]
[Bill points at him]
PUNK KID: See that serve, buddy boy?
BILL: Y'know, you uh ... can't be doin' that, alright there? It's against all kinds of codes.
[the punk begins tossing the ball around with another male student (playing "hot potato" with Bill in the middle)]
BILL: Hey, uh ... Hey, come on, guys!
BILL: Come on! Come on! Come on!
[he begins jumping up and down (barely getting off the ground), as the students continue tossing the tennis ball over his head]
BILL: You guys are messin' around with the wrong guy, I'm like a freakin' puma! I'm like a freakin' puma! Come on, gimmee that!
[cut to Bill kneeling on the floor, with a sad look on his face]
BILL: You guys broke my flashlight! You broke it!
[cut to Bill standing in the library, when the punk walks up behind him and puts his hand on his shoulder]
BILL: Hey, there chief.
[he smiles, then slaps his large belly and runs off, so Bill chases after him]
[cut to Bill chasing the punk around a table, as the footage is sped up and "Yakety Sax"-esque music plays in the background]
BILL: [in voice over] That kid is a freakin' douchebag ...
[cut to Bill speaking directly to the camera]
BILL: Can't come into this fine institution and start playin' tennis ... uh, ping pong.
[cut to the punk rubbing a book on his pants]
BILL: [in voice over] Uh, scratchin' your testicles all over books, and leaving your pubic hairs everywhere as you please.
[cut back to Bill speaking directly to the camera]
BILL: It's just not right! It's just not right!
[cut to Bill holding a flashlight over the female student as she continues studying]
BILL: Uh, lemmee help you out with a little light there!
[cut back to Bill speaking directly to the camera]
BILL: One day she and I are gonna get married, have a couple'a little security guard kids ... and uh, one day they'll be roamin' around this here fine institution!
[cut back to Bill and the female student, as the punk enters the scene]
PUNK KID: Yeah ... What're you doing talking to my girlfriend?
BILL: Uh ... Y'know, uh, I'm just givin' her some light, y'know?
[the punk jumps up on the desk]
PUNK KID: Is he buggin' you, babe?
ANNOYED GIRL: You're both buggin' me!
BILL: Uh, y'know ... I didn't know she, uh, she was yours. I'm just comin' givin' the little lady a little light here.
[he stretches out and lies down on the table]
BILL: Uh, y'know, you really shouldn't be sitting on that table like that, y'know?
[the punk stretches out even more]
PUNK KID: Ah, I shouldn't?
BILL: This is a library.
PUNK KID: Shouldn't be sitting on the table ...
PUNK KID: Ah, in that case, I'll just have to stand on it.
[he gets up and stands on the table]
BILL: Aw, come on there, chief! Come on, this isn't a Grateful Dead concert, okay?
PUNK KID: Strech out ...
BILL: Come on!
PUNK KID: Do some gymnastics on the table!
[he rolls backwards on the table]
BILL: Oh my god, Jesus Christ!
PUNK KID: Gymnastics, you like that?
[the female student hides her face in embarrassment]
BILL: Jesus Christ Almighty on the cross and off again, you can't be doing that!
[Bill grabs the female student (who is trying to bury her face in her book and ignore everyone) and starts rocking her back and forth]
BILL: She's trying to study! Look at her over here, look at her over here! She's trying to read the book! She can't read the book!
PUNK KID: Hey, dude! Get you hands off, get your hands off my girlfriend!
[cut to previous scenes of the punk acting up in the library]
BILL: [in voice over] There's a lotta punks that come through these great halls ... Uh, smokin' their dope and havin' their unprotected sex with their so-called girlfriend, y'know?
[cut to Bill speaking directly to the camera]
BILL: I will be here forever. Keeping my eye on punks.
[cut to the punk plugging a flash drive into one of the library computers, then cut to him speaking directly to the camera]
PUNK KID: Y'know all these pranks so far, they're meaningless. But this one?
[he holds up the flash drive, then cut to the punk looking at a picture of a naked woman (with the naughty bits covered by blue dots) on the computer, then back to him speaking directly to the camera]
PUNK KID: This will be the coup de grace.
["End of an Era" appears on screen, then cut to the female student sitting at one of the library computers]
BILL: [in voice over] My, uh, fadder was a security guard. His fadder was a security guard ... Uh, his fadder worked at a gas station.
[the punk enters the scene]
PUNK KID: Hey, I know you've been working really hard and everything, so I uh ...
[he holds up the flash drive]
PUNK KID: Did some research for you. Just to give you a hand.
[he walks off (trying to stifle a laugh), as the female student begins to plug the flash drive into her computer ... the footage plays in slow motion, as (just before she plugs it in) Bill appears and grabs it out of her hand]
BILL: Noooooooo!
[he then slaps her in the face (for no apparent reason) and shines his flashlight in her face]
ANNOYED GIRL: [in voice over] Why can't attractive women ever just be left alone in this country?
[cut to the female student speaking directly to the camera]
ANNOYED GIRL: [pause] Seriously.
["Next Morning" appears on screen, then cut to Bill dragging the punk into the president's office]
BILL: Hey, boss! I, uh, caught this punk handing out ... uh, pornographic material!
[he holds up the flash drive]
BILL: Probably of people having unprotected sex. Probably contains, uh, heavy masturbation ... and, uh, lots of drug use between midgets and clowns.
PRESIDENT OF THE LIBRARY: [calmly] Is this true, son?
[he says nothing, so Bill pushes him]
BILL: Eh? Fess up, boy! Come on!
PUNK KID: Yeah yeah, it's true ...
BILL: See? I told ya, eh?
PRESIDENT OF THE LIBRARY: Well, that's all well and good Bill, but uh ... we fired you two years ago.
[the punk begins laughing]
PRESIDENT OF THE LIBRARY: Um, we've had multiple discussions about this. You do not work in any capacity for the library, and if you do not leave, we are going to call the real security guard, who will break your kneecaps and throw you out the window.
BILL: Uh, but the pornographic material ... The clowns! The midgets!
PRESIDENT OF THE LIBRARY: What hard-working man hasn't looked at a naked clown humping the [beep] out of a midget? Huh?
PUNK KID: I know we have, dad!
PRESIDENT OF THE LIBRARY: That's right, son!
[the punk points to the doorway]
PUNK KID: There's the door.
BILL: But the pornographic material! The clowns! The midgets!
[cut to Bill speaking directly to the camera]
BILL: A, uh, new era is about to reside. I am resigning ... uh, not by my choice.
[cut to Bill walking out of the library's front entrance]
BILL: [in voice over] They got my so-called replacement ...
[cut back to Bill speaking directly to the camera]
BILL: But he doesn't have the great charisma and sexual physical prowess as I do, y'know?
[cut back to Bill as he waves to the library before walking away]
BILL: [in voice over] Who can leap over three tables to stop a bum from jacking off into a book?
[cut back to Bill speaking directly to the camera]
BILL: I will be gone, but I will not be forgotten ...
[cut to Bill walking up behind the female student as she tries to study]
BILL: I wanted to let you know that ... I love you. I always have loved you, and you have the greatest set of breasts on a young woman I've ever seen. While you weren't looking.
[he walks off, then the student takes out her earbuds (as she was listening to loud music and never even realized that he was talking to her)]

Directed and Edited by
Drew Stewart

Written by
Drew Stewart
Matt Underwood
Louie Marrero
Caroline Ragsdale
Serge Abellard

Louie Marrero as Bill Hutkins
Matt Underwood as Punk Kid
Caroline Ragsdale as Annoyed Girl
Sean Ludwig as Guy #1
Serge Abellard as Guy #2
Drew Stewart as President of the Library

Opening Titles by
Serge Abellard

Original Music Written & Performed by
Drew Stewart

Special Apologies to
Chip Gubera
Ellis Library
Beth Federici

Stunderwood Productions



Bill Hutkins: Library Cop (2008)
13 min - Short | Comedy

A pathetic security guard battles for order (and the love of his life) when confronted with a punk kid who can't be punished.

Director: Drew Stewart
Writer: Drew Stewart

Case Study No. 0752: Agent Johnson and Agent Jackson

The A.A.L. - First Cut with Unnecessary Special Effects!
Introductory short film about the Ask a Librarian service offered by Ohio University at Alden Library.
Tags: Library Ohio Alden Spy Effects
Added: 2 years ago
From: Archangel565
Views: 87

March 1962: Overrun with questions, librarians at Ohio University's Chubb Library are forced to ask students to "wait their turn."
September 1965: A secret organization is formed, dedicated to answering all library related questions ... The A.A.L.
January 1966: Construction begins on the Alden Library.
May 1969: Alden Library opens. In the heart of the library, the A.A.L goes online. Its mission to assist library patrons ... at any cost.

Ask A Librarian

[scene opens with a male librarian using a typewriter, as "September 2010, Alden Library 6:30 a.m." appears on screen, when another male librarian walks into the office]
AGENT JOHNSON: Good morning, Agent Jackson ...
AGENT JACKSON: Agent Johnson ...
[he hands him a coffee mug]
[he takes a sip]
AGENT JOHNSON: Bleh, I like the stuff in Special Collections better ... Anything new today?
AGENT JACKSON: Nah, just catching up on email questions ... I pride myself on a quick turnaround.
AGENT JOHNSON: You run a tight ship here.
[he sits down]
AGENT JOHNSON: Can't they ask those questions from their iPhone now?
AGENT JACKSON: Yeah, works the same way as email.
AGENT JOHNSON: Amazing the things they can do with technology ...
[he jumps as a very loud alarm suddenly sounds (although Agent Jackson has no reaction)]
AGENT JOHNSON: Jackson, what is that?!
AGENT JACKSON: It's just an instant message, somebody's asking a question through the library's website ...
[Agent Johnson continues looking around nervously, so Agent Jackson stops typing and turns to him with a slightly annoyed look on his face]
AGENT JACKSON: Would you hit the "silence" button under your desk?
[he reaches under the desk, as the alarm stops]
AGENT JACKSON: Meebo on ...
[a digital "computer" screen appears on the wall, as Agent Jackson taps it to reveal a question from a student ("McDudenStein92 Asks: Wut r the library's hours?")]
AGENT JACKSON: The library's open twenty four hours a day from Sunday at noon to Friday at midnight, and then again on Saturday from ten to midnight.
[as he's speaking, "Library Hours are: Sunday Noon - Friday Midnight, Saturday 10am - Midnight" is automatically typed onto the screen through "voice recognition", so he taps the screen again and it disappears]
AGENT JOHNSON: So, what do you normally do between calls?
[Agent Jackson stops typing and slowly turns his chair around]
AGENT JACKSON: We catch up on messages ...
["8:45 AM" appears on screen, then cut to Agent Johnson diving underneath his desk as an even louder alarm sounds (although Agaent Jackson is once again nonplussed)]
AGENT JACKSON: It's the phone ...
[cut to a closeup of a cell phone on the desk, as Agent Johnson (calming down) reaches for it]
AGENT JOHNSON: I've got this ...
[he picks up the phone and (after the alarm stops) speaks into it]
AGENT JOHNSON: Alden Library. How can I help you today?
[he pauses]
AGENT JOHNSON: Photography collection? You'll need to speak with the Fine Arts Department for that. I can transfer you if you'd like to hold.
[he presses a button, then hangs up and gets up from underneath the desk]
AGENT JACKSON: Y'know, you seem really high-strung. How about ...
[a "virtual" dartboard appears on the wall, as a "glowing orb" appears in his fingers and he throws it at the board]
AGENT JACKSON: Some darts?
[he turns and continues typing, as Agent Johnson attempts to get a glowing orb to appear in his fingers (but fails to do so after several attempts)]
["10:03 AM" appears on screen, as Agent Johnson is reading the print-out from an old electronic calculator]
AGENT JOHNSON: Someone on the seventh floor needs help finding a book!
[he throws Agent Jackson an Ohio University football helmet, which he puts on, then cut to a "virtual reality simulation" (similar to Tony Stark's helmet UI in the "Iron Man" films)]
AGENT JACKSON: I've got them ... Bringing up the security camera feed now.
[cut to green-tinted security footage of a female student staring at a bookshelf ("Alden Library 7th Floor: West Wing"), then back to Agent Johnson]
AGENT JOHNSON: There's no way we can reach them in time! I'm going to respond ...
[he picks up a shoe]
[he runs out of office and into the stacks, then cut back to Agent Jackson's VR helmet display]
AGENT JACKSON: Come on, Johnson, she needs that book now!
[a "bell" symbol appears in the upper right-hand corner of his helmet display]
AGENT JACKSON: It's not turning off ... There, there's a Skype call coming in.
[cut to another female student staring at her computer screen]
AGENT JACKSON: [from off camera] I'm gonna take it in here ...
[cut back to Agent Jackson's helmet display, as a video feed of the student (from her computer's webcam?) appears in the upper right-hand corner of his helmet display]
AGENT JACKSON: This is Ask A Librarian. How may I help you?
[she leans in with a quizzical look on her face]
STUDENT: Do you guys have my book?
AGENT JACKSON: Well, that depends. Digital ... or print?
[cut back to Agent Johnson jogging through the stacks, as he finds the student and (after quickly catching his breath and composing himself) talks to her in a calm and professional voice]
AGENT JOHNSON: Hi, Librarian Johnson. How can I help you?

A short by
Cody W. Bonds
CWBonds [at]

Executive Producer
Lorraine Wochna

Line Producer
Rachel Linn

Josh Moon
Agent Johnson

Andrew "Max" Tohline
Agent Jackson

Trinity Bracy & Vanessa Boensch

Special Thanks to
Ohio University Athletics Department
The Ohio University Archives