The Librarian: A Mockumentary
6:19
A spoof documentary about librarian Larry Lovell and his extreme methods of being a librarian
Tags: comedy humor spoof mockumentary librarian larry lovell
Added: 4 years ago
From: tuzenbach
Views: 16,675
[various shots outside Opperman Hall are shown]
NARRATOR: Drake University Law Library. Once an untamed warzone filled with murder, gangs, prostitution, drugs, and more. This library is now a haven for those who quest for knowledge, thanks to one man ... Larry Lovell, the librarian. This is his story.
[Larry, smoking a cigarette, exits the library and addresses the camera directly]
LARRY: You know, this place used to have some serious problems ... but ya gotta be willin' to do what it takes! That's what I do here, everyday!
[cut to Larry leaping over the front desk to chase a male patron wearing a trenchcoat (the alarm goes off as the patron attempts to exit, then the scene changes to Larry in his office speaking directly to the camera]
LARRY: You have to expect the unexpected. Anything can happen here.
[cut to Larry entering a darkened room]
LARRY: [to the camera] This is the tax room. This is where we keep all of our tax-related information. Uh, lemmee just flip on the lights here ...
[he turns on the light, then hears two people moaning in the back of the room]
LARRY: What, what the hell is going on in here? What the hell ...
[he heads over out of camera range and yells at two unseen people (possibly fellow librarians?)]
LARRY: Hey, put your pants back on, nobody needs to see that! Seriously people, in librarian school, we're supposed to take the oath of celibacy! Now I have to clean up!
[he puts on a rubber glove and turns to the camera]
LARRY: Aw, I hate fluids!
[cut back to Larry in his office speaking directly to the camera]
LARRY: Y'know, you see a lotta shite in this place, people come in here and do whatever they want ...
[he slams his hand on the table and begins yelling]
LARRY: Well, I'm not gonna stand for it! I have a degree in library science!
[he slams his hand down again]
LARRY: Library science!
[cut to Larry standing guard inside the library]
FEMALE PATRON 1: Excuse me, can you tell me where the US reports are?
LARRY: [stands motionless]
FEMALE PATRON 1: So ... can you help me?
LARRY: People could be getting raped right now!
FEMALE PATRON 1: What?!
LARRY: You heard me, back off!
FEMALE PATRON 1: [shakes her head and leaves]
[cut back to Larry in his office speaking directly to the camera]
LARRY: I've always liked helping people. Ever since I was a kid, I've always wanted to be a librarian ... I'm not in it for the glamour or the fame, everyday I get to help people. That's the reward.
[cut to another female patron walking down the hallway, when she's approached by a man holding a stack of books]
BOOK WHORE: Hey, you wanna buy some books?
FEMALE PATRON 2: [keeps walking] Um, no.
BOOK WHORE: Good books! Come on ...
FEMALE PATRON 2: [keeps walking] No thanks.
[Larry comes into view and speaks directly to the camera]
LARRY: Book whore ... I've been tracking him for seven years.
[a male patron walks by]
BOOK WHORE: I got some good books here! You wanna buy some books?
MALE PATRON 1: [pulls some money out of his pocket] Yeah, yeah ...
BOOK WHORE: Oklahoma, Ohio ...
LARRY: [jumps into the hallway] Stop! You're coming with me!
[the book whore tries to run, but Larry tackles him]
LARRY: Gah!
[cut back to Larry in his office speaking directly to the camera]
LARRY: Book whores ... They're the reason I requested a firearm. It's those damned liberal hippies in the ALA!
CAMERMAN: [off camera] The ALA?
LARRY: The American Library Association! They make it sound like it's all about noise violations and people eating food. Well, it's a war zone out there! They don't see the things that I see, and I'm on the frontlines! Everyday, every god damned day I'm on the frontlines!
[cut to another male patron handing a stack of books to a male student worker at the front desk]
MALE PATRON 2: Yeah, I need to return these books. I think they're a little bit overdue.
[Larry pops up from behind the desk]
LARRY: [yelling] They're not a little bit overdue, they're overdue!
[he grabs a microphone and begins speaking through the PA system]
LARRY: This man has overdue books, and he thinks it's alright! Thinks he can just come and go as he pleases! Taking books from left and right, and depriving the poor souls who want to read! To learn!
[cut back to Larry in his office speaking directly to the camera]
LARRY: Zero tolerance, that's the rule! Ya give 'em an inch, and somebody dies!
[cut to another male patron talking on his cell phone]
MALE PATRON 3: No, I love you more, Pooky! Oh no, I love you more! I--
[Larry comes up behind him and slaps the phone out of his hand]
MALE PATRON 3: Ow!
LARRY: [shouting] We're in a library! What part of that don't you understand?! If you do it again, I'll break every god damned bone in your body!
[cut back to Larry in his office speaking directly to the camera]
LARRY: What do you mean, what was I like when I was a kid? I-I, I was just like any other kid. I-I don't really see why it's relevant.
CAMERMAN: [off camera] Well, we just wanna know the man behind the librarian ...
LARRY: I was, uh ... I was just like any other kid.
[cut to Larry drawing a chalk outline around a stack of pages that had been ripped from a book and thrown to the floor]
LARRY: Tragic. It happens all the time. The page is still warm.
[another male patron suddenly walks by, tearing pages out of a book]
LARRY: [chasing him] Stop!
[cut back to Larry in his office speaking directly to the camera]
LARRY: Have I heard any complaints? None that I know of. Why?
[cut to Larry walking down a hallway, when he sees a male patron sitting at the table, so he pushes his stack of books to the floor]
MALE PATRON 4: What the hell?
LARRY: [yelling] What is this?!
[he picks up a donut on the table]
LARRY: You know there's no donuts in the library!
MALE PATRON 4: That's not mine!
[he mashes up the donut and throws the crumbs onto the patron's head]
LARRY: How do you like your donuts now?! Do it again and you're out, buddy!
[he walks away]
LARRY: Mother fucker!
[cut back to Larry in his office speaking directly to the camera]
LARRY: Have I made a difference? I don't know, i-it's not about that! It's about doing the job the best that I can! Have I done that? Absolutely!
[cut to Larry standing over a female patron kneeling on the ground]
LARRY: [yelling] I can't believe you did that! This is a library!
[he throws her backpack at her]
LARRY: Have some self-respect, for god's sake!
[cut to another male patron looking at some books on the shelf, when Larry comes up from behind and pushes him]
MALE PATRON 5: Mommy!
[cut to Larry circling a patron tied to a chair with a box over his head]
LARRY: Okay Natalia, if I've told you once, I've told you before ... never run in the library! Y'know, now you're going to learn what happens when you do it twice!
NARRATOR: Larry Lovell, a man who truly believe in his work.
[cut to Larry speaking directly to the camera]
LARRY: Y'know, I just remembered ... there's no cameras in the library!
[he runs at the cameraman, as the screen goes blank]
The Librarian: A Documentary
Directed, written and edited by Ben Miller
Starring Adam McAuley as Larry Lovell
Book Thief played by Michael Duster
Student 1 played by Elizabeth Walther
Book Whore played by Joe Leo
Student 2 played by Royce Fichtner
Desk Worker played by Kirk Schuler
Book Killer played by Ben Miller
Cell Phone Guy played by Brent Smoyer
Doughnut Eater played by Dan Luebbering
People Beat Up by Larry played by Amber Brady, Gary Goudelock, Kerriann Brennard
Special Thanks to: Drake Law Library, Professor John Edwards, Tyler Baldwin, cookies, and The Purple Monkey
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From uidaho.edu:
Non-librarians also tend to poke fun at the profession by using humor (or an attempt at humor anyway), but unfortunately sometimes the humor they bring to the YouTube table is biting.
[...]
Extremely caustic humor and an example of Dickenson's authoritative policeman stereotype can be found in the self-identified spoof "The Librarian: A Mockumentary," which features librarian Larry Lovell combating crime and vice in his beloved library.
[...]
Perhaps part of the reason there are a large number of depictions of inept/policeman/psycho librarians done by non-librarians has to do with the fact that many experiences people have in libraries are customer-service oriented. By nature these types of interactions can be dissatisfying to either party. That is, one might say that these videos are portraying a stereotype commonly held about customer service representatives in general rather than about librarians in particular. This does suggest, however, that non-librarian video creators base their perceptions of librarians on one activity - customer service. Even though this activity certainly does not represent librarianship in its entirety, and indeed is often done by paraprofessionals rather than actual librarians, it is this type of interaction that serves to foster images of the librarian in the public's mind. As Worchel and Rochgerber noted, it is difficult to change a stereotypical image representing a group of people if that image is representative of a majority of the group members. Therefore because so many librarians have traditionally worked and continue to work in a public service capacity, it will be difficult to alter the perception that librarianship is primarily a customer service job.
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